Travel And Nature Jokes

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A snobbish tourist

A snobbish tourist was visiting a small Australian village when he noticed a local man wearing a highly ornate necklace that featured 10 alligator teeth. He approached the man and in a condescending manner said, "Goodness, what a fancy necklace! I guess you people must value alligator teeth the same way my people value pearls."

The man replied, "Well, anyone can open up an oyster."

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Famous Civil War battle sites

A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites. “Here,” he points out at one spot, “is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.

Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's
another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers.”

A tourist says, “Didn't the North ever win a battle?”

“Yes, ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus.”

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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb into a tree and act like a nut.

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Do you know why elephants are so poor?
-They work for peanuts.

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Two elephants met in the jungle. "Gosh, I just met a lion", said the first. "Oh, what did you do?", the other replied. "I climbed a tree", the first one said. "But you can't climb?", the other said. "No, but what were I supposed to do, then?", said the first.

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How do you know there has been an elephant in the fridge?
-There are foot prints in the liver paste.

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Do you know the difference between two elephants?
-They can neither ride a tandem.

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I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.

Yes. Meow.

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Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free

Trip around the Sun.