Professional Jokes

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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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Mustan and Mohammad decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Mohammad gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Mohammad if he had worked underground mines before? Mohammad says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Mohammad says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Mohammad tells Mustan to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Mustan gets called in.

The boss asks Mustan if he had worked underground mines before?

Mustan says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Mustan says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Mustan says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

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Interviewer :- "Where does sun go in the night?"

Sardar :- "It doesn't go anywhere."

Interviewer :- "Superb please continue."

Sardar :- "Because of darkness we are not able to see it."

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1) Patient-Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.

Doctor- Don't talk rubbish!


2) Lady to the doctor over the phone.
"Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I can't get into it."

Doctor: Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress."

Lady: Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car.


3) Man: "Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!"

Doctor: "Why?"

Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it."


4) Father:"Thanks a lot doctor for saving my sons life.
Doctor:"It's God who has saved your life.
after sometime.
Doctor:"My fee??"
Father:"'ll send it to God through money order"!!


5) Doctor:WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOU ?
PATIENT:I AM GOING TO DIE IN TEN MINUTES.
DOCTOR:WAIT FOR TWENTY MINUTES I AM COMING.


6) While visiting a friend who was in the hospital,I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what was the significance.

"Nothing,"she said with a smile."It,s just to keep the doctors away."


7) Assistant: Doctor the invisible man has come for his check up.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.


8) "Doctor I keep stealing things. What can I do?"
"Try to resist the temptation but if you can't, get me a new television"


9) PATIENT:-DOCTOR I AM FEELING SEVER ITCHING,GIVE ME A MEDICINE PLEASE.

DOCTOR:-TAKE THIS SLIP TO THE MEDICAL SHOP

PATIENT:-IF I USE THIS MEDICINE,I CAN SOLVE THIS ITCHING.

DOCTOR:-I GAVE THIS FOR GROWING YOUR NAILS FOR SCRATCHING.

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A newly passed Dr. was doing his 1st operation in his career.
As the operation finished.He bent on his knes,moved his head upwrds & said "HEY KAALI MAA MERI YE BHET SWIKAR KAR!"

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On a sign outside lawyer's office -
" Where there's a will, there's a way;
Where there's a way, there's a law;
Where there's a law,there's a loophole;
Where there's a loophole ,there's me, WALK IN "

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A dentist’s patient was grumbling about the fee. “Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!,” she exclaimed. “And it’s only a minute’s work.”
“Well, if you wish,” the dentist said, “I’ll take it out slowly.”

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Patient:Doctor,I feel so sick I want to die!
Doctor: Don't worry, Just leave that job to me.

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Doctor mareej ke peeche bhag raha tha.

Logon ne poocha "Kya hua?"

Doctor: "4 baar aisa hua, sala brain ka operation karwaane aata hai aur sir ke baal katwakar bhag jata hai."

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Judge: You are crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How do you call me Saala?
Lawyer: My Lord,I said kaun SA LAW aisa kehta hai