Love And Marriages Jokes

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A FOOLISH man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

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One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD.
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY.

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If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

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Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

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Why Government does not allow a Man to Marry 2 Women ?
Because as per the Constitution, you cannot be PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

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Sardarji nay English k paper k liay MY BEST FRIEND ka eassy tiar kia, lakin paper main MY FATHER ka eassy aa gaya, ab sardarji nay socha k my best friend ka he essay likhta hoon, lakin friend ke jaga Father ka word likh doon ga, Essay kuch yon tha:Fathers r everywhere but good fathers r very rare,I have so many fathers but Mr.Narayan is my best father,he is my neighbour he often comes 2 my home, my mother likes him very much.

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1. Laden's Valentine.
A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "As Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?"
The father thinks for a moment and then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," the boy says.
"Why Osama ," his father asks in disbelief.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd jump with joy. And then he'd go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Father's heart swells and he looks at his son with newfound pride and joy.
"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

2. Be My Valentine.
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

3. What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!

4. What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"

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A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years."

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Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife :Yes and No!

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A Married Man who's In laws have come to pay a visit to his house and happen to remain there for few days.

Man: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why 3?
Man: For you and your parents.