Education Jokes

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Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.

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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again

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Physics

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.

"Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."

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What's 2 and 2?

Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

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English Essay

Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a poor paper.

"This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes."

"One person didn't," replied Little Jimmy defensively. "My father helped me."

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Little Johnny's Alphabet

Little Johnny's 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.

“Johnny,” she says, “what
comes after 'O'?”

Johnny says, “Yeah!”

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The teacher reads to her class

The teacher spent the entire hour reading to her class about the bison family. When she had finished, she said, “Name some things that are very dangerous to get near to and have horns.”

Little Johnny spoke up without hesitation, “Automobiles?”

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If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

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Are you a true elementary school teacher? Let's find out:

1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?

2. Do you move your dinner partner's glass away from the edge of the table?

3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?

4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?

5. Do you refer to happy hour as "snack time?"

6. Do you say "I like the way you did that!" to the mechanic who repairs your car to your satisfaction?

7. Do you ask "Are you sure you did your best?" to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?

8. Do you sing the "Alphabet Song" to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book?

9. Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?

10. Do you fold your spouse's fingers over the coins as you hand him/her the money at a tollbooth?


-If you answered yes to 4 or more, it's in your soul--you are hooked on teaching. And if you're not a teacher, you
missed your calling.

-If you answered yes to 7 or more, well, maybe it's TOO MUCH in your soul--you should probably think about retirement.

-If you answered yes to all 10, forget it--you'll ALWAYS be a teacher, retired or not!

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CTC

Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.

"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.

"CTC? Who are they?"

"You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect."