Education Jokes

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A school teacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said:

"So you're a school teacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write 'I went
through a stop sign. 'FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!"

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1. No really, I’ll be out of here in only two more years.

2. My job prospects look really good.

3. The department is giving me so much support.

4. I just have one more book to read and then I’ll start writing.

5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

6. Your latest article was so inspiring.

7. I would never date an undergraduate.

8. My work has a lot of practical importance.

9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.

10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

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Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.

Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?

Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.

Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.

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Jatt: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand tod dene hai.

Ik hor aadmi ne keha: 64 ni 32 dand hunde ne.

Jatt: Mainu pata si tu vi bolenga is layi tere vi gin laye.

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Teacher: Joey, please use the word "wagon" in a sentence.

Joey: Ok, "If I told my dog to stop wagon his tail, he would still wag on."

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here'z a conversation b/w two guyz X n Y:

X: aap chinese hein ?
Y: nahi
X: aap chinese hein ?
Y: kahaa hai na, nahi!
X: acha acha, woh to sab theek hai... lakin aap chinese hein?
Y: nahi nahi nahi!!!! ab agar tum ne yeh poocha to mein tumhein maroon
ga!
X: ok, waisay bhai jan , aap chinese hein?
Y beats X badly..
X (maar khaanay k baad): yaar banda kuch lihaaz kar leta hai, yeh to
batayein k kia aap chinese hein?
Y: nahi huun... (then Y runs and get to thee roof top of a high
building, X follows him and get there too)...
then on the roof top:
X: aap chinese hein ?
Y: nahi huun nahi huun nahi huun..ab agar kahaa na to mein jump kar doon
ga roof se...
X: acha! to phir aap chinese hein?
Y runz, n jumps from the roof...X follows him and jumps too...
in the air while falling:
X: aap chinese hein ?
Y: nahi, (then both fall down n get injured)
X: aap aik baar kah kyun nahi daitay ke aap chinese hein?
Y: acha haan...huun phir ?
X: Achaa!!!! LAGTAY TO NAHI HEIN……….

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One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

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Unlike others ur brain is a masterpiece In d left half nothinis rite N in D rite half nothin is left

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Vicky:"There is something I can do that nobody else in my
school can do .Not even teachers!"
Rahul: "What's that?"
Vicky: "Read my handwriting"

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THE JUDGE SHOWS HIS CLASS

In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the Judge to answer for a ticket given to her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honour that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of
her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the Judge's eyes. "You're a school teacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall
realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a school teacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will
not drive through red lights' 500 times!"