Children Jokes

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Son- Father what is the spelling of inspector?
Father- Why are you asking?
Son- Today my teacher asked me to write down my father's occupation but i did'nt know the spelling of inspector.
Father- So what did you write?
Son- I wrote WASHERMAN instead.

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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad

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These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.

He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words in ()’s were crossed out.]

12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

24. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday.

His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

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These are from test papers and essays submitted by kids:

1. "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

2. "H3O is hot water, and CO3 is cold water"

3. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

4. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

5. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

6. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

7. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

8. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

9. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

10. "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

11. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

12. "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

13. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

14. "The body consists of three parts—the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five—a, e, i, o, and u."

15. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

16. "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

17. "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

18. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

19. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in his fight."

20. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

21. "Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."

22. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

23. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

24. "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

25. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

26. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

27. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

28. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

29. "Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

30. "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

31. "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

32. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

33. "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."

34. "For fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."

35. "For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

36. "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

37. "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

38. "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."

39. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

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Hansa-praful automaticaly ka matlab.parful-jab auto mei baithkar ladki ganzi ho jaye to use kehte hai auto-mei-takli.

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For weeks a six-year old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

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Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ?
Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !

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Me and My friends son

Myself : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Myself : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

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EK BAAR BANTA SINGH KI MAA BANTA SINGH KO 500/- RS. BANK ME DEPOSITE KARANE KE LIYE DETI HAI. BANTA SINGH APNE TWO WHELLER PE BANK JAATA HAI. RAASTE ME USKA PETROL KHATAM HO JATA HAI AUR WOH PETROL PUMP PAR JAAT HAI. PETROL PUMP WALA BANTA SINGH SE KEHTA HAI KI, MAIN TUMHE 250/- KA PETROL FREE DUNGA, AGAR TUM MUJHSE 500/- RS. KI BET LAGATE HO TO. BANTA SINGH THODA SOCHNE KE BAAD KEHTA HAI THIK HAI. AUR WOH BET HAR JATA HAI.